


Falling

by Tandy



Category: Reylo - Fandom, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Smut, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 02:28:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6405031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tandy/pseuds/Tandy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being an expert in self-denial, Rey had never had any trouble keeping her panties on. Until now. Until Ren. *Complete*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

* * *

 

PART I

Rey made her way down a path that she knew led to nowhere good. But knowing didn’t stop her feet from moving.  Her gait was quick and careful, making sure she wouldn’t be noticed. Thankfully his quarters were far removed from the general dormitories, but she still needed to be careful. Gossip spread like wildfire on the base, the last thing she needed was for people to find out where she was headed. Especially Finn. Or Luke.

She was risking so much. And for what?

How she had scoffed at hearing people talking about itches they needed scratched. Urges and lust that couldn’t be controlled. She had always rolled her eyes at hearing the dramatics of people who claimed they couldn’t resist their own impulses, risking so much for a simple bodily urge. Being an expert in self-denial, Rey had never had any trouble keeping her panties on. Until now. Until Ren.

She had severely underestimated the intensity of urges and overestimated her willpower.  

Even now, even as she told herself yet again that doing this was the most terrible of all terrible ideas, her heart was pounding with anticipation. She had been away for days on a mission, and despite all her efforts, as soon as she got back to base, _this_ is what had consumed her.  She needed him. She had a terrible, terrible itch.

And force, but she sounded like those gossips at Niima outpost.  She had always been so guarded when it came to sex. A solitary scavenger had to be very very careful about who she rolled around with. Her standards, though low, had still been difficult to meet in Jakku. Still, she had managed to procure suitable partners when the urge had struck.

Her requirements had been non-violent behavior, health, and a certain degree of attraction, and if at all possible, kindness. Even when she had been at her loneliest, desperate for human contact, she'd never been tempted to stray. There had been boys with wicked intent, with sin stamped on their handsome faces ready to give her a go, but she had refused to be ruled by her hormones.   It was laughable now, how she had stayed away from people she had deemed dangerous or untrustworthy. Kylo Ren made them all look like saints.

It wasn’t just an itch. If it was, she would have been able to scratch it with anyone at the base. Rey wished there was some way to rip away the desire she felt for him, someway to sate the powerful craving she had for him, the cruel throbbing between her legs that was impossible to ignore.  

All doubts and common sense were left behind as she reached his quarters. The code to his door had been given to her after the first night she had gone to him. She punched the code angrily, as she had numerous times before.

The door slid open.  She walked in to find him seated on a chair, a holobook in his hands. It wasn’t the first time she had found him engrossed in a book. Every surface of his rather untidy room was covered with holos. His bookishness was unexpected and confusing for her to process. Rey chose to ignore it. She was here for only one thing.

The smirk that he always greeted her with formed on his lips upon seeing her.  She hated that smirk.  It’s was a cocky, _I knew you couldn’t stay away._  She chose to ignore the smirk too.  Instead she focused on his big body, on his large hands that abandoned the holo readily to extend an arm toward her. Her blood was flowing hot and thick, thrumming with excitement.

Rey clasped his offered hand and he pulled her forward until she was towering above him. The desire in his eyes was  obvious, the need in him matching her own. It was gratifying to know that he felt the same away. Inexorably drawn to her. All their enmity had been transformed into a horrendous need, a lust so strong that it defied logic.

Rey straddled him easily, relishing his erection between her thighs. She rubbed against him, moaning at the feeling of it. Ren leaned forward to capture her lips. It was a rough kiss, meant to posses and bruise. She responded eagerly, opening her mouth for his tongue, mewling at the feel of his hands running over her body.

It was always like this. Potent, uninhibited, urgent.  

She panted as his hand slipped between her legs to rub firmly. Rey buried her fingers into all that thick hair, kissing him again, moving against him. He shoved his hand down her bottoms to dip his fingers inside of her.

“Miss me?” He asked, his tone arrogant at finding her swollen and wet.

She had been thinking about this the whole day. It was all she could think about for days when she had been away.  About his hands and his mouth. She moaned something inarticulate that had his smirk growing. Rey moved  her hips against his hand desperately, wanting more, more of him, of the way he made her come.  

He added another finger, scissoring inside her, reaching that very special spot that he’d found with astounding quickness. She closed her eyes to hide from his intense stare, dropped her forehead to his, gasping into him, as he continued to finger her.

She was so wet that his fingers slid in and out of her with an audible slurp. It spurned him on, and with a quick jerk her bottoms were completely off, and he was opening her further. “Do you want to come like this? Or with my mouth?”

He was a surprisingly generous lover, always making sure she came to orgasm before he took his own.  Rey moaned at his words, at the images they brought forth. His dark hair between her thighs, lapping at her pussy with unabashed enjoyment.  He loved eating her out and Rey was only  happy to oblige.

But not after being without him for so long.

“Like this,” she told him, moving her hips faster, a hand going to his wrist to guide his movements into a harder pace.  “Then you can fuck me.”

He kissed her again while his hands drove her crazy, long fingers teasing her and thumb circling her clit with a firm touch. It didn’t take her long, not as desperate as she was.  But it barely took the edge off. Breathing hard, she dropped onto his chest. “Ren...”

Knowing what she wanted, he rose, grabbing onto her thighs to wrap them around his torso. Her arms looped around his neck as he carried her to his bed.  He set her down gently on the small mattress, kissing her, assisting her with hurried hands in removing her clothes. Rey was just as frantic, pulling at his clothes between kisses and groans and frustrated grunts.

She couldn’t keep her hands off him.  She undid his wide belt and spread the cloak open. “Why do you wear so many clothes?” she growled, her hands searching for buttons and zippers. “If I didn’t know better I think you were a prude,  covered up all the way to your neck. Or are just more prone to chills than most?”

He laughed as he helped her discard his cloak. But she didn’t want to hear his laughter, didn’t want to see the flash of white teeth that were not quite even, or the way his eyes crinkled at the corners. She kissed him, biting his lower lip and grinding against him.

He groaned out, “I’ll be sure to dress down for your convenience next time.”

It was irritating that he was so confident that there would be a next time.  But Rey couldn’t argue. There _would_ be another time.  Finally, she had him out of his trousers, hot and heavy in her hand. She stroked him firmly and watched as he threw his head back, letting her have her way with him.

He had a gorgeous cock, Rey thought as she thumbed the head, spreading the moisture along his length.  She wanted to put in her mouth, suck him until he groaned and begged. She stroked him faster, her mouth watering, but she resisted the urge. It wouldn’t do to be that vulnerable, on her knees for him.  

She suckled on his neck instead, teeth scraping along the column of his throat. He bucked into her hand. “Rey,” he gritted out, only her name in a strained voice that made her lust spike.

“What’s the matter?” she asked, “Can’t find your tongue? Usually you can’t shut up,” she said, her hand pulling harder and faster.  He was a talker, groaning out filthy things that made her gasp, that made her cunt throb and clench with need.

He took the back of her head in one large hand to bring her up to his mouth for a greedy kiss. It was sloppy and filled with lust. Rey strained against him, mewling and moaning.

“Look at you,” he said, pushing her back onto the bed to finish disrobing. “Hard to form words when you’re dripping for me, your legs spread, waiting for my cock, your pretty tits heaving.”

He joined her on the bed, his large body balanced on his forearms above her. He suckled on her nipples, biting just hard enough to make her grunt out.  Rey reached between their bodies to grasp his erection, hooking one leg around him to bring him to where she needed him, angling her body to take him inside.

“Eager, aren’t we?” He said roughly, letting her slide him into her.

He was just as eager, evident in the way he pushed her knees back, spreading her legs wider to push inside her with heavy thrusts. Her knees were at her chest, and she moaned loudly as he rutted between them, sopping wet and gasping for more.   

He felt exquisite, stretching her deliciously, and fuck but she loved his body. How it dwarfed hers, braced above her, his weight heavy and strong as he fucked her.  She liked running her fingers down his back, spanning the  width of his shoulders with her hands. Best she liked the feel of his thick hair, the way the strands would slide through her fingers.

She clenched around him tightly, watching his face contort in pleasure as she did it again and again. He grunted, staring down at her, his eyes burning her. Rey fell apart with a loud moan, her cunt fluttering desperately around his length. He slammed into her one last time before coming, grinding into her until he was completely spent.

He toppled beside her like a great huge building. Had she not be so drained she would have laughed. Rey took deep breaths, trying to calm her heavy breathing, as he laid beside her in the same condition. Sated, she moved away from him and started looking for her scattered clothes even as her legs still quivered.

He watched her as she picked up her clothes, silent and naked, his softening penis shiny with her wetness.  She felt the his sperm leaking out of her and tried not to squirm.  As the seconds passed she felt more and more awkward under his assessing eyes. She walked to the ‘fresher to clean herself as best she could.

Sex was one thing, but the aftermath was something she wished she could skip. It wasn’t exactly shyness what that she felt, but a similar feeling, coupled with guilt and a little bit of shame.

She could never find anything to say to him.

He was still naked when she came out. She was fully dressed, and except for the pleasant tingling between her legs, and the absolutely wonderful feeling of sated lust, she looked completely put together. At least she hoped so.

The actual leaving was the most awkward part.  Usually, she never said anything, but lately, she had started to feel… rude.  “Thank you,” she said for lack of anything else to say. She winced as soon as the words left her lips.

“My pleasure,” he told her, amusement evident in his tone.

***

The next morning Rey walked to the fields. There she had a little patch of land that she had seeded weeks before.  She visited every day while she was on base and she was excited to see the progress.  Of all the things that Luke had taught her in Ach-To, Rey was hard pressed to find anything that she enjoyed more than gardening. Growing food from the fertile ground, watching the transformation from a tiny seed into a fruit or a vegetable was exhilarating and awe inspiring to the girl from barren planet.

D’Qar didn’t have much of an agricultural segment, buying most of their food from allied planets. There was plenty of land though, and she and Luke had carved out a small piece of it adjacent to the base’s grain crops that supplemented their food stores. If it were up to her, she would spent most of her days bent over her garden, peacefully tending her plants.

“Luke,” she said, smiling when she spotted the older man bent over his garden plot.  “It’s nice to see you.”

“How was your mission?” He asked, his gloved hands working compost on the dirt.

“Good. No mishaps. It was-”

Her breath was taken as she spotted little green leaves jutting up from the ground. “Oh,” she said.  They were her own, she had planted them, watered them. It was the first time she had done it by herself. She kneeled in front of them, touching the delicate leaves with a reverent finger. Soon they would become berries, plump red fruit that would be ripe and sweet.

“They’re coming along.”

“Yeah,” she said, smiling from ear to ear.

Luke face smiled back, a bit sadly, regretfully. “Rey,” he started, his face shifting down to his own plants. “I’m afraid we’re going to have to postpone your training yet again.”

Ever since they had arrived on base her training had been placed on the backburner. She understood, there was a war going on. Luke was important, busy, and the resistance needed every able bodied person so she had ended up working shifts as a mechanic. “It’s fine,” she told him, still entranced by her bounty.

“It’s not. And I'm sorry,” he said, his frustration tangible. “You need to be trained. I’m failing you-”

“You’ve already taught me so much. We’re in the middle of  a war. I understand, really.”

He nodded at her but she could tell he was still bothered. “I’m going away with Ben for a while.”

It took her several moments to realize who he was referring to. “On a mission?”

“You could say that,” he told her wryly. “Recovery more than anything. It’s rather complicated to explain.”

“Alright,” she said, accepting that he didn’t want to talk about it further. “How long will you be gone?”

“Depends on Ben.” He dropped the spade he was working with. “We leave today. Ben apparently decided today was it, after dragging his feet for days.   He’s orchestrating the whole thing, I’m just going along to make sure he doesn’t...stray.”

Rey frowned and concentrated on her plants, checking them for disease or any sign of pests. Had he waited until she got back from her mission?  No, it couldn’t be that. It was a silly thought to have. “Should I go with you?”

“No. It’s something that Ben and I have to do,” he said, getting to his feet in one spry movement. “I wanted to take the Falcon,” he said, a question hanging between them.  

“The Falcon is not mine,” she told him, though her heart ached for the old bucket of rust. “It’s Chewie and Leia’s. I’ll take a look over it after I’m done here. It can be finicky, so I’ll try to smooth everything out so you won’t have any problems. ”

“Thank you.”

***

Having finished the internal inspection of the Falcon, Rey moved to the outside just as Luke, Leia and Ren made their way toward the ship.  Luke smiled at her and went into the ship while Ren and Leia spoke in quiet murmurs. It was an odd sight.  Ren towered over his diminutive mother,  and they both seemed ill at ease in each other’s company. Leia had wanted her son back, but it seemed she didn’t know what to do with hulking beast once she had him.  It was almost painful to watch their awkwardness

She moved to the side, inspecting the exterior of the ship and tried not to eavesdrop but her efforts were abandoned when Leia opened her arms, and to Rey’s utter shock, Ren bent his body toward his mother’s waiting arms. It was a stunted and self- conscious embrace that had Rey turning in shame for having witnessed such an intimate (though sadly pathetic) show of affection between mother and son.

Suddenly the box she had him labeled under didn’t quite fit him anymore. That glimpse of his humanity did something to her. He wasn’t just a villain, he was a son too, a man. Whatever he was, Ren had enough light within him to indulge his mother.

She turned to them again, caught Leia smoothing her son’s hair, tiptoeing to plant a kiss on his forehead.  Ren straightened, placed his hands behind his back and watched as his mother walked toward the command center.

When he turned, Rey shifted her stance, walked away pretending she was inspecting the ship. He followed.  Her heart was thumping painfully, it wasn’t often they had contact in broad daylight where everyone could see them.

“What a piece of junk,” He said, gazing at the Falcon with disdain.

“She’s a beauty,” she said, feeling offended.

He turned to her, something igniting in his gaze the longer his eyes remained on her. He was always so obvious when he looked at her. It was obscene, really. How his eyes claimed her as his from the moment he had arrived on base.  Rey shuddered, and tried to push down the pull low in her belly.

“Stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?” He said, stepping closer to her.

“Like you want to fuck me against the wall.”

“I do want to fuck you against the wall.”

She closed her eyes, willing herself to remain calm, to not lose her head. When she opened them again he was standing in front of her, so close.  But it wasn’t him that pulled them into the shadow of the ship.  Rey took the scarf into her hands to drag him down and rose on tiptoes to fuse her mouth with his.

He walked her back until she was pressed against the ship. Her hands went into his thick hair as she kissed him hungrily. Ren groaned low in his throat, grabbing her hips roughly, bringing them flush with his.  Ren kissed her back, slanting his mouth, nipping at her lips, his hands running down her spine.

“My uncle is waiting,” he said, pulling back but still keeping close, their breaths mingling.  

The word uncle sounded strange coming from his lips. She nodded, dropping her arms from around him.  It was hard to think with him so near, with the taste of him on her lips. Rey had so many questions that she dared not ask. Had he been waiting for her before he left on his own mysterious mission? What was it for? How long would he be gone? Was he planning to come back at all?  

He waited a beat, maybe waiting for her to say something, before his arms dropped away from her body. Her mouth remained closed. She didn’t know what to say. Every time she had tried, she ended up making a fool of herself.  

His large hand came up to her face, to rub at her cheek. Probably grease, Rey thought, from working on the engine. She had to look a right mess. “Have a grease kink?” She asked, as his eyes were still hot with lust.

“I have a Rey kink,” he said seriously.

She swallowed hard, feeling strange. He leaned down to press a soft kiss on her lips, the first and only chase kiss they had shared.

He boarded the Falcon and Rey finished the external inspection. Once she was done, she joined Luke and Ben in the cockpit as they readied for take off.

“I’ve left various spare parts, motivators and power cells, as they are the most common cause of problems,” she told them.

“I’d wager that we’ll need much more than a few spare parts,” Ren said.

Luke and Rey look at each other in mutual annoyance.

“Only stating the obvious,” Ren said, taking a seat on the pilot’s chair.

Luke turned toward her. He placed his mechanical hand on top of her head, ruffling the hair gently. “Take care.”

“You too.”

***

They were gone so long her little sprouts turned into full bushes, robust and green, little flower buds just starting to form.  She kept busy with her job at the mech station, practicing her forms and mediating. Even so Rey spent an inordinate amount of time trying not to think of them, Ren specifically.

It seemed like a dream how she had stumbled into bed with him. She wasn’t sure what had possessed her.  He had only been at the base for a few days, having just arrived cloaked and masked, bearing information about the First Order, a traitor, but still contemptuous and arrogant.

The hostility she had felt for him was palpable. She had glared at him when she saw him, thinking of Han, of Finn, of the things he had taken from her in the interrogation room. He had seemed unaffected until she had glared at him and he returned her gaze, his eyes returning heat but no aggression.  And then inexplicably, the hostility had transformed into another sort of tension.

One that had her wanting to crawl out of her skin. That had grown each day, stronger the more she denied herself. Finally, after another failed attempt at socializing at a gathering with the friends that Finn had made while she had been away, Rey had gone to him, seeking… something.

_She had broken into his rooms easily. The room was surprisingly untidy. There were holo books covering every available surface, and black clothes lumped onto a chair. Perhaps it shouldn’t have been that surprising considering the wild way in which he fought, the erraticness of his style, the absolute recklessness that radiated from his very being._

_The door slid open while she perused the holos, wondering at his bookishness._

_Her hopes of appearing calm and unaffected when he entered were shattered. Instead she was caught unaware, standing awkwardly over his possessions._

_He hadn’t expected to see her, it was obvious in the way he halted mid step at the sight of her. She smirked at him, at knowing her power in the Force had grown to the point that she could hide from him to such an extent._

_Awareness shot through her at the look he gave her, at the opening and closing of his mouth, at the wet tongue that licked his full bottom lip. Recovering from his surprise, he walked into the room, proceeding to remove his outer robe, discarding it on top of the piles of clothes on a chair._

_“Had I known this is what awaited me at the Resistance, I would have defected sooner,” he told her while walking over to the bed, his tone dry._

_Ren sat on the bed to toe off his boots in sure practiced moves, his hands steady.  Rey felt the complete opposite of calm and steady. She was trembling, lust and nerves clouding her ability to form sentences. She wanted to snap something back, but her brain was drawing a blank. At least he didn’t gloat. Rey had expected gloating._

_“Have you run out of courage?” He asked, running his eyes over her body from head to foot in a slow perusal._

_She was actually grateful for the party, at least it had been good for something, she thought as his gaze smoldered on her body.  The clothes, an impractical skirt and a tight top, were borrowed at Jessika’s insistence. Her hair was loose and falling down her shoulders. She’d resented Jessika’s well meaning meddling, but standing in front of him in such obvious feminine garments was strangely arousing._

_“No.”_

_“Then come here,” he ordered from his perch on the edge of the bed._

_“Am I to do all the work, then?” She asked, her tone sharp._

_He chuckled deeply, sending a thrum of pleasure inside her. “My little Scavenger, how you please me. Or is it my Little Mechanic now?”_

_“I’m not your anything.”_

_His long arms shot out to grab onto her shoulders, yanking her roughly to him. Her breath caught at the closeness. They’ve been this close only one other time, when the planet had been crumbling under their feet.  She hadn’t noted his eyes then, the soft brown rimmed with an olive green._

_The hands that had been encircling her arms traveled lower to grasp her firmly by the hips. He pulled her even closer between his splayed thighs, her knees touching the mattress. Ren stared challengingly up at her, his face tense, his body primed._

_Rey leaned down to kiss the wide mouth. She moaned at the first electrical touch of their lips. His mouth opened for her, slanting hungrily over hers, taking her tongue and the little sanity that stilled remained.  She tunneled her fingers into his hair, clashing her mouth in a hard kiss that had his hands clenching on her hips._

_With a low growl he moved his hands to her backside, kneading and fondling her while his mouth focused on her neck. Rey squirmed against him, beyond reason, beyond anything except for the lust that permeated through every pore._

_He pulled at her top and she obliged by discarding it in one quick pull. That wide mouth of his, sinful really, latched instantly onto her nipple, suckling hard.  Rey moaned at the hard pull of his mouth, at the way he snuck his hands beneath her skirt, playing with the gusset of her soaked panties._

_Ren’s mouth delved lower, as low as the position would allow. He licked at the underside of her breasts, laving down her sternum, leaving the skin wet and sensitive.  Hands that had been busy between her legs rose to palm her breasts and pebble her nipples into ripe buds._

_Groaning, Rey reached for the buttons at the back of the skirt, but his hands stopped her. He rolled the skirt up to her waist and lowered her panties. Rey placed her hands on his shoulders for support to step out of them.  She could feel the wetness that betrayed her arousal, would be embarrassed by it had she not seen the same savage need in him._

_Rey’s eyes fluttered closed, her arms still clutching at his shoulders, as one long finger entered her in one swift glide. He grunted, teasing her, then added another one. “You’re so wet, Rey. Have you been thinking about this, about my fingers inside of you? Have you been imagining what my cock would feel like stretching your little pussy?”_

_“Yes,” she groaned out, moving against his hands, seeking friction, seeking relief from the lust that had been torturing her since he arrived._

_He fell back on the bed, taking her down with him, kissing her mouth, swallowing her moans.  He turned to reverse their positions, so that he laid above her, nestled between her thighs.  She savored the feel of his heavy body atop hers and wondered at the sheer width of him._

_She clawed at his shirt, wanting to feel his hot skin on hers. He left her mouth and her body to rip his shirt off impatiently.  Ren stared down at her as her hands splayed on his chest, as she ran her blunt nails from his clavicle to the flat of his stomach. He brought his hand up to his lips, taking the fingers that had been inside of her into his mouth, an expression of pure lust crossing his features. Her hips arched up into him when he moaned at the taste._

_He moved toward the foot of the bed, pulled her closer to edge and spread her legs wider. Rey rose to her elbows, eager and panting, so wet she could feel it leaking out of her. Ren bit the inside of her thigh, ignoring her tortured moan. He licked at the sting, his tongue slowly making its way to up. He moved from one thigh to the other, wetting a path up until she gasped and pulled at his hair._

_The first lap of his tongue on her pussy had  her mewling desperately for more, her hips raising up into his mouth.  Ren brought a hand to her hip to keep  her still, as he flattened his tongue, running it along her slit.  With his other hand he spread her wide and jerked her to his mouth roughly._

_Rey watched his dark head between her legs, watched as he licked and sucked and teased her until her legs quivered, until he suckled hard on her clit, making her eyes roll back with the pleasure of it. She cried out loudly, unable to keep her climax silent._

_He discarded his trousers with the same impatience as he had his shirt. He came back to her, above her, his lips shiny and swollen. Rey pushed off the bed to take his lips, tasting her arousal and the wicked dark thrill that he was._

_He was hard and heavy on her stomach, needy, but she didn’t think she could take more, not while her thighs still trembled and her core throbbed in endless waves of relief.  She felt him reach between them to stroke himself and then place himself at her entrance. Whatever protest she was going to say was cut off my his insistent mouth._

_He kissed her deeply, hungrily, and despite how sensitive she still felt, she opened for him and groaned as the head notched inside of her. He pushed in while he breathed great big gasps of air above her, grunting and staring down at her,  as her body stretched to accommodate him. She was soaked and ready but even so it was  a tight fit. Rey arched her back desperately, wanting him to fill her completely._

_“That’s it, you’re going take all of me, aren’t you, Rey,”  he gritted out against her ear as he pushed harder._

_Coherence abandoned, Rey moaned and shifted against him, loving the feeling of her body spreading for his thick cock.  She raised one of her legs to wrap around his hip and the final delicious inches of him finally lodged inside of her._

_He grunted into her mouth as he pulled out and pushed back in with a firm thrust. “I knew I’d have my cock inside you,” he rasped out, “knew you’d pant and groan for me… that your pretty cunt would be wet and tight...”_

_He slid in and out hard and deep, his words dripping from his lips in a haze of desperate want. Rey keened for more, arching her back and groaning, force,  his words were driving her mad.  Tension was gathering already, unexpected and sharp, the slide of his cock inside of her a titillating delicious torture._

_He grunted, bringing a hand between their bodies to flit his thumb against her clit.  It was too much. “I can’t,” she said brokenly, her hips snapping into him.  The first orgasm had been so intense, she doubted she could come again._

_“You will,” he stated, his thumb rubbing between her legs, working her hard. He looked at her with an expression she couldn't define as he pounded into her, his face intense, his mouth opened and groaning. “Come for me, Rey,” he ordered._

_His thumb lost it’s rhythm as his thrusts became harder and more erratic. He rasped out her name in a tortured plea that had her belly clenching and her pussy tightening around him.  It was more than enough to send her spiraling into another toe curling climax.  Ren came with a low growl, pumping inside of her fluttering walls._

Rey sighed deeply, and smiled despite herself at the memory.  She was sure it was the dumbest decision she had ever made, but she didn’t regret it. The sex was well worth it. It had never been that primal, that raw before.

“Hey,” a cheery voice called out from behind.

She turned to find Jessika walking toward her.  The pilot was carrying a large basket filled with flowers she must have picked in the woods. She made a pretty sight, with her sunny smile and perky gait.  Rey wondered if she ever looked like that. She snorted at the thought.

“Hi.”

Jessika was Finn’s friend, someone that Rey tolerated only. She was nice enough, but Rey had trouble relating to the perpetually happy pilot.  It didn’t help that Finn had become quite close to her. It was hard to look at Jessika not feel inadequate.

The x-wing pilot approached and Rey tried to keep a smile on her face despite the fact that the woman was invading the little corner of the base that was solely hers.

“I didn’t mean to intrude, you just look so happy. I had to see what you were doing that made you smile like that. Ooh, are those berries?”

“Yeah!” Rey answered pleased that she had recognized the plant.  She had forgotten for a moment that what was new and exciting to her was mundane for most people.

“My dad liked to garden. He wasn’t any good at it, but he loved it. Mom liked flowers,” Jessika said, her voice turning soft. “These are for her,” she said, looking down at her basket. “It’s her birthday. She would have been fifty-five today.”

Rey froze at the implication.  “I’m sorry.”  Those words meant nothing but she didn’t have anything else to offer.  

Jessika smiled sadly. “Now you’re frowning again. Way to go Jess,” she finished sarcastically. “What else have you planted?”

Rey, grateful for the abrupt change of subject, answered in relief, “Not much else. Khol, peppers, mostly just different types of berries.”

“Well, I’ll leave you to it then,” Jessika said, nodding at her little patch of plants.

“I never had fresh fruit until recently,” Rey confessed as the pilot was turning away. She didn’t know why, only that it felt off that the other woman had shared something and she had given nothing in return.

“You’d never- Why?”

“Finn hasn’t told you? I grew up in Jakku.”

“He’s never said anything about you other than you’re kickass. Everyone on the base is curious about you though.  You’re a steely eye mystery that everyone is too afraid to approach.”

Rey laughed at the absurdity.

“Seriously, there are rumors that you’re Luke’s daughter. Some people say you’re the general’s.” She shrugged nonchalantly. “Are you?” She asked eagerly after a brief pause.

“No. I’m an orphan.” It was the easiest way to explain her situation.  

“Well, fuck, sorry,” Jessika muttered as she sat on her haunches next to where Rey was working.  “I am too. My parents and my sister were killed when the First Order came to power. I was away at the Academy when it happened.”

Rey studied Jessika’s profile. It was hard to believe that this woman, a seemingly happy woman, could have such a tragic past. “How do you do it? Smile, I mean.”  She said, not really caring if it wasn’t the polite thing to ask.

Jessika shrugged before answering. “I don’t know. It’s not always easy. Things that bring me comfort also hurt me. My mom loved flowers. There was always fresh flowers in our house. Dad liked to grow food like you. My sister and I would help him harvest, and together, all of us, we’d make pies.”

It was a heartbreak that Rey couldn’t even imagine. To have all that, and have it taken away. She never would have known by looking at her. Rey had actually been envious of her easy smile, never guessing what laid beyond it.  

“We’re in the middle of a war. I figure we have to squeeze as much happiness as we can. I miss my family everyday, that’s never going to change, but I still want to be happy. I try to focus on what brings me the most joy.  For me it’s being with my friends, being surrounded by people that care about me. What do you like to do best?”

A sudden unbidden image of Ren sliding into her popped into her mind. That was absolutely _not_ what Jessika had meant.  “This,” she told the pilot, digging her fingers into the damp dirt. “I’m not good with people, not like you.”

“You’re good with Finn.”

Finn had thrived on the base, used to the camaraderie of soldiers. Everyday that passed Rey felt the bond that she and Finn had forged break a little bit more. He was leaving her behind… for Poe and Jessika. “I think he’s outgrown me.”

“Funny. He says the same about you.” Jessika rolled her eyes at her shocked expression. “You two are like newborn babes. Don’t look so sad, it’s nothing that long honest talk won’t fix.”

Rey remained quiet, wondering at her words. Is that all it would take to set things right? She was afraid of appearing needy, weak. Finn was her first friend, her only friend, and still she couldn’t allow herself to be vulnerable, even to him.

“Hey, you think I could have some of those berries, not a lot, just a handful when they’re ready?” Jessika asked, interrupting her morose train of thought.  “I’d like to make a pie. A tiny one. Pretty please?”

Rey looked at her speculatively, her mind working a trade. “I’ve never had pie.”

Jessika laughed. “Rey, darling, memorize this moment, this is the start of a beautiful friendship.”

***

Kylo Ren and Luke arrived one early morning with three others, people dressed in black and armed with dangerous looking weapons. Ren’s knights. Three of them. Recovery, Luke had said, and it finally made sense, they were the former students that had fallen to the dark with Ren. Luke led two of them into the command center and Ren walked closely with the third, the familiarity between them obvious.

Rey watched from the assembled crowd that had gathered to watch the strange parade. Ren’s hair was a tad longer, falling over his forehead and skimming over his shoulders.  His gait was purposeful and as predatory as always. However, he looked, Rey thought, less volatile, though the sternness in his face remained.  Her stomach fluttered at the sight of him, and it had nothing to do with lust.

She waited with baited breath for his eyes to land on her, but they never did. He went into the command center without even glancing her way. Disappointed, she went back to work. Angry and dissatisfied, though she didn’t know exactly why.  

The day dragged on endlessly. By the time night came, she was edgy and grungy from working on engines all day long. She went to him first, taking less care than usual in getting to his quarters. Her impatience would be obvious, and she could already picture that damn smirk of his. It almost made her turn back. Almost.

Halfway to his rooms, she spotted him with his people. One of them, she hadn’t realized before, was a woman.  Rey had been so focused on Ren that she had missed the obvious curves. She was the one that had been close to him, almost touching. Two of the knights left, dark shadows in the night, but the woman remained.

Rey’s heart drooped to her feet when Ren and the woman continued on toward his rooms. It shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did. It was just sex, meaningless. Just a way to blow out steam. Still, she muttered curses at him all the way back to her quarters.

_Asshole_

But what could she have expected from someone like him?

She crossed paths with Jessika and Finn outside the mess hall. They took one look at her face and winced.

“You need a drink,” Jessika stated. Finn nodded heartily.  

The rest of the night was a blur.

***

Getting up the next morning proved to be a feat. But thanks to Jessika’s strange concoction, which marginally helped her pounding head, Rey managed to report to her shift on time. However, the sounds of ships being worked on, the drilling and the clattering of metal was pure agony.

Rey took refuge under an X-wing that all the mechanics had given up on long ago.  She laid on a  creeper, focusing on unscrewing coils, taking the ship apart piece by piece to fight the ill-effects of overindulging the night before.

The heavy stomping of boots cut through the noise. Rey cursed internally, watching from underneath the ship as his thick black boots made their way to her.  What the hell did he want?

Rey pushed off with her feet to slide under and out of the ship to scowl at him. “Need a mechanic to fix your hair dressing droid? Blow drier broken? Perhaps someone to finally put that mechanical abomination you call a lightsaber out it’s misery? You’ll need to talk to Karl, fill out some forms, don’t worry it’ll just be a few days, no more than a few months,” she told him.

He crouched down like an animal waiting to pounce in front of her. Ren’s eyes roved over her face which no doubt was already covered in grease. She battled the urge to wipe her face clean and for the first time wondered if she had mistaken the intensity of his desire for her.  After all, she was only a scavenger.

His lips were quirked in a gesture of amusement that shifted her world ever so slightly. Rey didn’t want to see his crooked smile. She wanted him to be firmly under villain, angry, humorless, reckless.

“Why didn’t you come to me?”

It was an accusation and question wrapped with an arrogance that had her jaw clenching tight. “You were preoccupied.”

He frowned in confusion.

“With a woman.”

He blinked down at her. “You never come that early.”

“Oh, sorry, had you scheduled me at a later time? My mistake.”  Her voice was angry, but as much she tried to tamper the ire, it shone through.  Rey pushed off with her feet to slide back under the ship.  Ren grabbed the edge of the creeper, keeping her where she was.

“You think I’m involved with her,” he said, his words forming slowly as he gazed at her with narrowed eyes. “ And you’re what? Jealous? Angry? Hypocritical, considering you’re with FN-2187,” he snarled at her.  

“I am not any of those things. And Finn’s a friend. We’ve never, I’m not-” she shut up abruptly, realizing that she needn’t explain herself to him.

“Ysa is a subordinate,” he said after a long pause. “I’m not sleeping with anyone else.”

“Neither am I.”

They stared at each other at an impasse. Ren cleared his throat. “Good. Perhaps that should be the arrangement.”

“Fine.”

“Tonight?”

“Tonight,” Rey repeated, nodding at him.

Standing up, he placed a booted foot on the edge of the creeper to pushed it back under the X-wing.

Rey watched until his heavy gait disappeared from view. Something had changed, though she didn’t know what, but she was sure as hell that she didn’t like it one bit.

_***_

_A/N:  This was supposed to be a_ short _smutty fic_ . _;(  I failed miserably._

 

_The second part is already written, just going over it, trying to catch as many typos as I can. I've also failed miserably at acquiring a beta reader. If anyone is interested in betaing for me please let me know. I'm notoriously bad at editing my own work._

_Thank you for reading!!!_


	2. Chapter 2

Part II

He wasn’t casually reading a holo, or lounging lazily on his bed when she arrived that night. Ren pounced on her as soon as she crossed the threshold of his door. There was no practiced smirk at her arrival, no cocky arrogance in the way he kissed her. He took her mouth greedily, kissing her deeply, savoring every taste and swipe of her tongue.

Rey sighed, falling into him, her fingers tunneling into his hair. Force, she’d missed this. Not just his lips and his hands, but _them._ The affinity between the two, the connection, the way she could lose herself in him, with him, look into his eyes and feel the world slipping away.

He was shirtless, only in loose pants, having kept his previous promise. Rey smirked, and pushed him back. He licked his lips and stared down at her hungrily. She smiled and he frowned at her. She pushed him back until the back of his legs hit the bed. Another push and she had him where she wanted him; flat on his back, his cock tenting his pants.

Rey climbed on him before he could rise. She had never taken her time with him, not like he did with her. She kissed his pursed lips then lowered her mouth to his jaw and his throat. He stilled, relaxing under her touch. She rewarded him by going back to his mouth, nipping at his plump bottom lip.

She traveled down his body, kissing a path to his chest, stopping at every mole and scar she encountered. She’d wanted to do this for so long, to really sink her teeth into him, know every inch of his skin, every sinewy muscle. She’d held back out of sheer pride, not wanting to give him more, trying to preserve one last defense.

But something _had_ changed.

A heady and heavy thrum ran through as she kissed and touched him, something that whispered, _mine._

He grunted when she licked low, his stomach muscles contracting beautifully when she peppered kisses on his side, where Chewie’s blaster had injured him. She had him panting and straining already, and she was hardly doing anything other than kissing down his body. She wondered what he would do when she took him in her mouth.

Curious, she abandoned his torso to pull down his pants, grasping him firmly, stroking him, wrapping her lips around his girth. He bucked and something rasped out of his throat, a mixture of a grunt and a whine that made her own center throb. Ren placed a hand on the back of her neck, his fingers resting softly in her hair.

Rey took him as deep as she could, savoring the feel of him, his musky taste and the way he tried to keep still but inevitably would raise his hips to meet her mouth. She suckled him, one hand stroking what she couldn’t take in her mouth.

She breathed deeply, as harshly as he, excited beyond reason as she ran her tongue along his length, tracing a wide vein. She took him in her mouth again, scraping her teeth lightly as she sucked him.  His hand moved from her nape to grasp a handful of her hair, his hips pumping faster.

There’s a subtle shift in taste, a salty tang that she knew must be pre-cum. Seeking more, she sucked  the head, circling her tongue along the slit, wondering what he would taste like when he came. Just the thought ramped her up, made the ache between her legs more insistent. The idea of it had always seemed offensive, but with him… with Ren…

“Rey,” he warned, “Rey,” he said again, sounding tortured. He pulled at her hair gently. “I’m gonna come.”

Rey suckled hard, but he grasped her jaw and pulled her away. He took her hand in his larger one guiding it back to his cock, to wrap around his length, wet from her mouth.  Ren framed her hand in his, his grip tight and his stroke hard and fast. He spilled onto his stomach while Rey watched their hands working in tandem, milking every last drop.

_Mine_

She left him in bed, heavy lidded and practically melting into the mattress. A small smile appeared on her face from satisfaction. Was it always like this when she left him, she wondered, as she washed her hands. A glimpse in the mirror showed flushed cheeks, a swollen mouth and glittering eyes. Another smile was torn out of her, and she shook her head at her reflection.

He was as she had left him, sprawled on the bed with his eyes closed. Rey stopped at the doorway of the ‘fresher, a wet towel in her hands, gazing at him. It wouldn’t be the first time a guy conked out on her after he got his due.  

As if to prove her wrong, he opened his eyes.  They were soft looking and hazy, satisfied. The most settled she had ever seen them. Rey ran her gaze over his body, wondering at the terrible wonderful inexplicable pull she felt toward him.

Kylo Ren was long limbed and leanly muscled.  His skin was marred with various scars and moles, and a trail of hair started right under his belly button and traveled delightfully downwards. His face was an odd one, narrow and with large features, wide lips, large nose, winged eyebrows and sullen eyes. Certainly attractive enough, but not to the degree that would explain losing her wits over him.

But she had and she didn’t know why it would be so intense. Rey had always enjoyed sex, it had always been pleasant, but nothing like it was with Ren. She’d known better looking men, nicer men, but none that made her feel like he did.

Rey walked over to him. She placed the towel on his stomach to clean him. “Is it the Force? Is that why we’re-”  

A link, tenuous and small, had been forged between them on Starkiller, one that she had severed as soon as she had been able to. The Force bond that had formed, connecting them against her will had been a nuisance, an invasion that she had resented and reviled. Rey hated to think of all the bits and pieces of her he might have gathered. From him, she had taken hints of pain, of confusion, but most of all, loneliness.

He scoffed at her. “No. If at all, the attraction we feel only helped the bond between us, it didn’t create it.”

“Will it go away?”

Something passed over his eyes, something that in anyone else she would have called hurt, something that she chose to ignore. Taking the cloth from her to clean himself, he answered,  “The bond you killed yourself. As for us,” he shrugged, discarding the rag. “Once the novelty of it wears off, we’ll grow tired of each other, as it usually goes.”  He frowned at her looking at her speculatively. “How old are you?” he asked.

“Twenty-two.”

He made a face, a slight one, almost a wince. She wished she was still linked to him in some small way to decipher with certainty what that had meant. But she could hazard a guess what had him fidgeting.

“That’s what you find morally reprehensible? My age? Not strapping me into a chair, invading my most private thoughts, sending me crashing into a tree?” That was a mouthful that she hadn’t intended to spout.

“I like it better when we don’t talk,” he said. He sat up on the bed, his face displeased.

“You would.”

“I thought you were older. I had hoped you were older,” he told her, “with more experience. As for the other- I’m sorry. For what it’s worth.” He looked away from her, unable to hold her gaze. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “There’s nothing I can say that will- I _am_ sorry. You cannot imagine how sorry I am.”

Strangely, the words weren’t as meaningless as she had once thought. It soothed something inside of her. Rey wanted to ask more, wanted to know why he defected, why he kept the scar across his face when a simple surgery could remedy it.  But she stayed quiet.

“I like it better when we don’t talk, either.”

He turned to face her slowly. “Take off your clothes.”

The low ember of her desire turned into a shaper need at his words. This, at least was familiar ground, making the tension that had built ease. Rey tossed her clothes off eagerly, crawling into bed with.

Ren went down on her, torturing for what seemed like hours before letting her come. Force, the man was _gifted_ , she thought as he flipped her unceremoniously on her stomach. She was breathless and still tingling when he placed his hands under her hips to haul her up against his front.

“You’re taking advantage of my state,” she told him, squirming. This was a position she had never allowed. She hadn’t wanted to feel powerless, at his whim, so she’d avoided anything that felt weak. Sneaky bastard, making sure she was limp and pliable from her climax.

He sank a finger into her. “It’ll feel good,” he promised. “It doesn’t say anything about you.”

“Really? I don’t see _you_ on all fours with your bum in the air.”

She heard a sound, a strained laugh that had lust spiking in her belly. He added another finger, his thumb strumming along her clit. Rey moaned and tried not to push back.

“You’ll love it.”

“You’re so arrogant,” she told him, rolling her eyes at the tone of his voice.

“And you’re stubborn.”

She turned her head, twisting to get a look at him over her shoulder. There was a crack in her resolve. He was looking at her in such a way that twisted her insides and took her breath away. Suddenly the position didn’t feel submissive. Or maybe it did, she just didn’t mind it as much as she thought she would. But it didn’t feel powerless. She felt, she glanced back at him again, at his face twisted with lust, decadent.

Ren removed his fingers from her pussy and notched his wide head into her.

“Let me take you like this? Yes?” He asked, a strain of hope filtering through his tone.

She answered by pushing back.

It did feel good. Different. The angle just right, deep. And his hand could play with her clit as she  thrust into her. She was tumbling down faster that she had thought possible after the last gut wrenching orgasm. Her pussy clenched tight around him.

“Fuck,” he groaned. “Do that again,” he grunted.

Her eyes widened when she felt a smack on her ass. Before her brain had time to think about it her body had already decided that it liked it. A sound, something strange and incoherent gurgled out of her and her inner muscles constricted obediently.

Another smack, not painful, just firm enough to sting, to burn a little. Rey gasped, her arms failing her and she dropped to the bed, still panting, still crazed with lust. He supported her, both of his hands anchoring her at the hips. Rey buried her face in the pillows, arching her spine. He bent over her, his lips whispering filthy nasty things about how good she felt, how wet she was for him, how hot the sounds she made were.

She cried out into the pillows as he fucked her through her orgasm. He came hard, gripping her hips tightly as he spilled inside of her.

“Told you,” he said beside her, through bellowing breaths afterwards.  

Without opening her eyes and still on her stomach, Rey raised a heavy arm to place a hand over his mouth. “Shut it.” Her other hand went to rub at her backside. There was still a warm glow where he had spanked her. “Pervert,” she said, irked.

She felt his lips stretch beneath her hand into a smile and soon he was shaking with silent laughter. Rey drew her hand back. Her face was burning, aware of it she sank deeper into the pillow. There was no hiding the fact that she liked it, which embarrassed her further. No one had ever tried to do that before, and if they had, she would have broken at least one of their bones.

“Rey?”

She remained silent, gnashing her teeth.

A large hand came down on her butt, the touch soft and careful. She felt his breath, a warm kiss, then his mouth skimmed up to the dip of her back, another kiss. Rey shivered as his lips traveled higher to kiss between her shoulder blades. He nuzzled into her ear, his hands were soft, almost tender on the globes of her ass.

“I won’t do it again, not if you don’t want me to.”

Rey bit her lip, wondering how much to give in. It had felt good, no doubt about it. But- she couldn’t just allow him to- do that.  She turned to peek at him, expecting to find anything but the expression of concern on his face. His throat was bobbing up and down with each nervous swallow.

“Just give a girl some warning next time, would you?”

He fell back on the bed with an audible sigh of relief.

Her face was burning so hot it was a wonder the sheets didn’t caught fire.

She wasn’t entirely sure, but she thought she might have fallen asleep for a minute or two. Somewhat in a panic Rey bolted out of bed. Ren was still beside her. He was definitely out for the count. Appeased that he hadn’t witnessed her lapse, her heartbeat went back to its regular rhythm.

He stirred when she was putting on her boots. “You’re leaving?” His voice was husky with sleep, his hair mussed up, long locks tangled.

Rey nodded. Again, words failed her. She didn’t know how to say goodbye.   Surprising even herself, Rey went back to him to plant a short kiss on his lips. Ren took a hold of the back of her neck to kiss her harder. His arms encasing her body, and Rey almost got pulled back down onto the bed. “I have to go,” she said, nervously disentangling her body from him.

“If you must.”

“I do.”

“I go on a mission in a couple of days with my knights.”

“Again?! You just got back,” she said indignantly.

He raised an eyebrow. “Careful, or I’ll start to think you’ll miss me.”

“Miss you? Nah. Just one small useful part of you,” she said, trying to distance herself from her previous words.

“Small?”

 _Men_ , she thought, _and their dicks_. Why would she have thought Ren was different in that aspect. Rey had certainly been exposed enough, Poe and Finn included, to males and their egos. She rolled her eyes at him. “Huge. Enormous.”  

He smiled crookedly at her.

“I’ll be back before you leave,” she told him. And despite herself, she leaned down for another peck before taking off.  

***

Rey was walking to the mess hall for lunch when Finn approached her. Things between them were still unaddressed and as hard as Rey tried, there didn’t seem to be a way for her to broach the subject. Rey didn’t know what to say or even describe what she felt. She only knew that she was losing him and didn’t know how to make him stay.

“You’re going to eat inside for once?” Finn asked, smiling broadly at her.

“Sure.”

Eating at the mess hall was a trial. It was always so noisy and filled with so much stimulus it was hard to keep her head. Usually she took her meal elsewhere. But for Finn, she would braved the crowds.

Since it was still early, there were not very many people, for which Rey was incredibly grateful. She chose an empty table on a far corner after they had filled their trays. Rey immediately tucked in, knowing that Finn wouldn’t mind her enthusiastic eating.

“What’s your schedule like? I feel we haven’t seen each other recently.”

“Luke keeps me busy. And it’s hard to keep up with all the repairs at the hangar,” she said in between bites of food.  

“Well,” he started. “If you can manage it, some of us are going to be at Jace’s quarters tonight. You know him, right? It’ll be fun.”

Would she never have him to herself again? “I don’t think so, Finn. I’m busy and I-”

“You don’t have to make excuses. If you don’t want to go just say so.”

Despite his words and the tone of voice Finn didn’t look angry. He looked sad. “Finn-”

“I get it, okay. We went through a lot together, but it didn’t mean much, right, outside of it? It’s over now. I’ll stop pushing you.”

“No!” Rey scrunched up her eyes, willing the right words to come forth. “I- I-,” she stuttered. Force, but she had no idea what to do. What had Jessika said? Be honest. Tell him. But she didn’t even know what she wanted to tell him. Fuck. “I don’t like it here.”

Finn stared at her, his face showing puzzlement.  

“I know you do. And I’m glad. But I don’t fit.”

In Jakku she had dreamed of leaving, of not being alone. In the months that she had arrived on base from Ach-To, she had learned that she was solitary and withdrawn by nature. The people at the base, they were friendly, but Rey found them abrasive with their curiosity and questioning grins. It was overwhelming.

“I don’t like being in a room packed with people drinking contraband moonshine, and loud music playing,  and you at the center, charming everyone. I don’t like sharing you.” Finn’s jaw dropped at her words. “But I like you, Finn, and I thought I fit with you.”

“Come here,” he said, pulling her out of her seat and wrapping his arms around her. “You do.”

“Not sure I do anymore. You found your place, and I don’t think there’s room for me in it.”

He pulled her back, sighing. “Rey, that’s crazy,” he said, shaking his head. “You’re right I do like it here. There’s a freedom here that I’ve never enjoyed before and I’ve…” he laughed. “I really like it here. I wanted to make you like it too. I was so happy when you came back from Ach-To, but you were different.”

“ _You_ were different.”  

Finn let her go, shrugged. “Maybe. This place agrees with me, you know, brings out all of my dashing qualities.” He grinned at her, pulling a reluctant smile out from her. “You’ve been distant,  Rey, like when we first met, cold. I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. And there’s a rumor that you’re seeing someone, that you come to your rooms late at night, looking, you know, not my words, well-tumbled.”

Rey cringed.

“Is it true?” He asked, his eyes widening.

“Yeah,” she admits. “But that doesn’t mean that I want you out of my life.”

“I figured you had just moved on, left me behind.”

“No. That’s not it. At all. I-” Rey stuttered again. “I wouldn’t do that. You’re my friend. I only have two, so I can’t really afford to lose one,” she joked. “Maybe if your social calendar clears up, we could do something, Jessika, you and me,  and Poe if you must invite him.”

“Can BB-8 come too?” Finn asked, smiling.

Rey mock frowned at him. “He better be able to hold his liquor.”

He chuckled lightly and she smiled back.  This was good. Not perfect. But better.  She felt soothed by his words, by the way he had held her. He wasn’t leaving her.  Satisfied, she tucked into her food again.

“So, who’s the guy? And why didn’t you tell me you had a boyfriend?”

Rey almost choked on her food. “He’s not my boyfriend,” she sputtered.

“Oooh, tell me more.”

“He’s just… someone I spent time with to let out some steam. No big deal.”

Finn gave her the side eye for a moment, making Rey squirm. “Why won’t you tell me if it’s not a big deal?”

Rey remained quiet.

“Now I really want to know.”

“Trust me, Finn. You don’t.”

“Why won’t you tell me?” He asked puzzled. “How bad could he be? Short of him being Kylo Ren, I don’t really-”

Something in her face must have given her away. For the first time in her life, Rey was no longer hungry. She pushed the unfinished food away, feeling ill. “Finn-”

“No.”  Finn shook his head. Laughed. “No,” he repeated in disbelief.

She didn’t want to lie to him. “It is him.”

“Are you crazy? He’s dangerous. Volatile. Need I remind you that he tried to kill us? Almost succeeded with me. That he killed Han?”

“I don’t need reminding, Finn. I’m perfectly aware.”

“Then why? What could possibly make this alright?”

Because when it was just the two of them, none of that mattered. Because as dangerous as he was, she didn’t fear him, not anymore. Because she was drawn to him despite everything. Because she saw something in him that she recognized in herself.

“Finn- I love you.” She hadn’t chosen those words, but they were the words that came out. But it was true, she had loved him from the moment he had gone back to save her. “Please don’t hate me. I don’t want to lose you.” The words left her lips out of their own volition and she was chagrined to hear her voice cracking.   

Finn’s deep scowl turned into shock. His anger simmered down. “I’m not going to hate you because you have terrible taste in men,” he said. “And I love you too, peanut.”

Rey smiled widely at him, her hand reaching for his. Her family was a hazy shadow in her mind, too far removed to be accessible.  If they had loved her, she didn’t recall, nor if she had loved them.  Finn was the first person that had touched her heart, the first person she had come to love. He squeezed her hand, giving her a small reassuring smile. He was the first person she remembered ever loving her.  

“You might want to tone down the displays of affection. He’ll murder me if he sees.”

“I won’t let him.”

“That’s scary, Rey. That you know what he’s capable of and just… Walk me through it, will you? I’m worried, okay? My best friend’s boyfriend is Kylo fucking Ren. I’m duty bound to be protective and scared out of my fucking mind.”

“Not my boyfriend,” Rey told him. “It’s not that. It’s a thing… okay… not really a thing thing.”

Finn looked at her unimpressed as she made a hash out of explaining what she and Ren were doing. But he listened and tried not to judge, and after, their friendship seemed more solid. Rey felt ten tons lighter, freer in a way that she never thought possible after bearing her soul.

***

Rey was breathing deeply, carefully levitating various objects around the gym. The place was deserted, reserved for her training. Luke was doing the same, his control enviable. She knew logically that Luke had years to master the Force, but it was hard not to get impatient with her lack of progress. Especially since they had so little time to train. Which she also understood but-

“You’re doing fine, Rey. You have amazing control,” Luke started, the objects in the air not even wavering. “You’re very powerful-” He stopped abruptly, and everything crashed down.

Rey gasped, letting her own objects drop. “Are you okay? What’s happened?” She asked, staring with wide eyes at Luke,  who looked pale and scared.

“It’s Ben. Something- I don’t know,” he said, trying to focus on something she couldn’t detect, his eyes were looking past her.

“Ben?  What’s happened? It’s everything-”

“I have to go. Keep practicing,” he said while he hurried out.

Her feet followed and then stopped. She didn’t know what was going on and besides, what possible reason did she have to follow? There was nothing between Ren and her but sex. That was it.

But she couldn’t levitate even a single grain of dust afterward.

Giving up, she stood in the middle of the room without knowing what to do. She stared at the door, swallowing hard and wondering if she should go after Luke. Of course she shouldn’t. It would be ridiculous for her to even try. What was she going to say anyway? _Hey, Luke, I’m doing your nephew, and I would like to be kept informed about what’s going on with him, you know, just to make sure he’s in full working order._

She started pacing, anxiety climbing up every second that passed. On a whim, she opened up the connection that she had severed, trying to search for any sign of Ren. She found nothing, and it scared her even more.

“Rey!” Finn exclaimed, entering the gym, “Ren and his people have been hurt.”

“What? Is he okay? What happened? How do you know? Where is he?”

Finn gestured with his hands to quiet her. “I don’t know. I was at the command center when we got the call. Then Luke was there, and it’s absolute chaos with the general being gone. I thought Luke would have told you-”

“He said something was wrong but I-I didn’t ask.”

“You didn’t _ask_? He’s your boyfriend.”

“Not my boyfriend,” she said reflexively but the words sounded silly and hollow. “How is he?”

“I don’t know. He’s your _something_ , I figured if you knew you’d be waiting there with Luke, so I came to tell you-”

He was looking at her strangely. She felt exposed and guilty but had no idea why. “What am I supposed to do? I mean,” she laughed dryly. “We’re not- what am I supposed to say to Luke? And what if Ren doesn’t want me butting in?”

“Rey,” he said slowly. “It’s pretty obvious that Ren is willing to take whatever you’re willing to give to him.”

“Wha-” Rey half laughed, half scoffed. “You don’t know-”

“I do. He’s wanted you since the moment he saw you. I know _that_. And from what you’ve told me,” he winced a little. “As hard as it is to believe, you have him completely whipped.”

“No-” But she thinks back to all the times he had waited patiently for her, reading a book, always waiting, at her disposal, giving her everything she wanted. Remembered the look in his eyes every time she left him, that sullen look with so much left unspoken. Fuck, she’s the asshole? She’s the bad guy in their little torrid affair?

“It doesn’t matter now,” she said, shaking her head. “Where is he?”

“I don’t know. Can’t you send him a comm with the Force?”

“It doesn’t work like that, Finn!”

He threw up his hands in the air. “Don’t get mad at me! I’m just trying to help.”

Rey rubbed her face with both her hands. “Shit. Shit. Shit. I’m sorry.”

“You know what else is obvious? That you actually like the fucker.”

Maybe she did. Just a little.

But she couldn’t think of that now. She just wanted to know if he was okay. She searched for Ren again but failed at sensing him. Rey searched for Luke, found him as distracted and anxious as her.

 _Luke_ , _what’s happened? Is Ren okay?_

 _There was an ambush, Rey. He_ _and his knights were the targets. It was one of our own._

His energy was frantic and he was distracted in a way that Rey had never witnessed before. _Is Ren okay?_  

He must have caught the edge of her desperation because he suddenly focused on her. _Yes. He was injured but he refused medical attention._

Rey remembered him snarling his way up from a bowcaster blast. Idiot man. Idiot.

_But he’s okay?_

_Yes, he’s okay… I have to go. We’re still sorting through this mess._

Relief flooded through her, letting her breathe again and think clearly.  

Finn looked at her questioningly.

“He’s okay,” Rey told him, her breathing shallow and her bones weak. “I have to go to him. I have to-”

“Go before you have a complete meltdown,” Finn told her.

For the first time Rey didn’t take care in going to his rooms, not worried in the slightest about who saw her and what they might say. She didn’t run, but her pace was brisk. She entered the code to his rooms, her hands shaking so much it took her three tries before the door slid open.

She found Ren on the bed fully clothed, booted feet hanging off the mattress in an exhausted sprawl. His robes were torn and singed. Rey gave a shuddering breath and approached.

“I’m flattered by your confidence in my skills despite my present condition,” he rasped. “However, I’m rather indisposed at the moment.”

Rey neared the bed. His eyes were closed, and his face was covered with cuts and bruises. It was hard to judge the extent of the damage while he was still clothed. “Force, Ren, you need to go to the infirmary.”

“Not necessary.”

“You’re a bloody idiot.”

“Noted. Now get out.”

She spunned around on her heel, gritting her teeth. And he claimed she was the stubborn one. Rey walked determinedly toward the infirmary, intent on dragging a med droid back. She stopped short when that woman, Ysa, came around the corner.

The other woman halted in front of her. Ysa trailed an assessing gaze from head to foot. Rey stood her ground, raising her chin in defiance. It prompted a smirk from the knight. Rey frowned.

Smirk still in place, she moved her arm toward Rey, a gleaming jar in her hand. “Bacta,” she said, her voice husky drawl.

She took it reluctantly, imagining this woman caring for Ren’s wounds, soothing his hurts. “Thank you,” Rey choked out.  

The woman nodded.

“Was anyone hurt badly?” Rey asked, wondering if Ren had lost a friend.

“Yes,” Ysa answered. “Ikko bore the brunt of it. Lost an arm.”

“I’m sorry,” Rey said. At least no one had lost their life, she thought, breathing a sigh of relief for Ren. “Truly.”  

Ysa peered closer at her, inspecting her. “He didn’t say you were so...sweet,” the woman said.

He had talked about her with them? “What else had he said about me?”

“He said you were powerful. Stubborn.” She smirked again. “I find it more interesting what he _didn’t_ say.”  Her smirk transformed into a small smile that showcased dimples. This woman exuded sensuality without even trying. She found it hard to believe that she and Ren had never been involved. It was a painful thought. “Go on, Frowny, get inside. Tie him all into all sorts of knots. He’s amusing when he’s flustered.”

Rey shook her head, still frowning,  and went back into Ren’s rooms. He had really strange friends, but then, what could she expect from him?

He lifted his head when she entered, and his eyes displayed shock at seeing her. Something in her gut twisted horribly at his expression. He let his head fall back. “Why are you here?”

She didn’t answer, instead she placed the jar of bacta down on a table. She went to his feet to remove his boots. He let her, but she could feel his eyes on her. “What are you doing?”

“Taking off your boots.”

“That’s not what I-”

“Word must have reached Leia. She’ll be back any moment. Do you want her to see you like this?”

Rey took his silence for acquiescence.

“Anything broken?”

“No.”

“Okay. Take off your clothes.”

“I admire your tenaciousness, but as I made clear before, I am indisposed.”

“Hahaha,” Rey said, “Off.”

He huffed but he sat up. Rey helped him take off the clothes, leaving him in nothing but his form fitting shorts. Black of course. She took the bacta and started with the biggest injuries, a nasty burn on his hip, then moved to the cuts and scrapes on his chest, shaking her head as she pulled out a piece of shrapnel. Lastly, she did his face.

He stared at her intensely, his eyes burning her, as she smeared bacta on the scratches that covered his cheek and jaw. Rey tried to concentrate on treating his injuries, but the whole thing felt very intimate. Much more so than the sexual encounters they’d had. Her heart was beating rapidly, too fast for the simple task she was performing.

“It wasn’t that bad, now, was it?”

“No.”

Rey sighed, looking away from his prying stare. “Well-”

“You have to go,” he finished for her.

“No,” she said. “I don’t.”  Luke would probably be preoccupied for the rest of the day, and she wasn’t scheduled to work.

His eyes narrowed.

“Give me some room.”

Ren scooted over enough for her to fit in beside him. Rey sat uncomfortably on the bed. It was the first time they weren’t both naked and all over each other on the bed. Again, it felt intimate to her, different, and a bit terrifying.

Ren didn’t seem to have the same misgivings or he was more exhausted that he let on because he hardly stirred and soon his breath evened out. It was still light out, and for a second Rey considered slipping away. Ultimately, she decided against leaving when he swung an arm around her and buried his face in her middle.

Her throat knotted painfully.

For all the nights they had spent together, she hardly knew him. Rey hadn’t wanted to know him, had taken pains to avoid it. She had wanted him to remain forever static in her mind, as a villain. It had been in vain, he was blurring together, the villain and her lover, transforming into a… man that perhaps wanted more than she could give.

Going to him, giving in to the pull between them had been extremely difficult, but this, accepting him, taking all of him, that was utterly terrifying. The sun went down prompting her to slide to beside him on the bed, taking care not to jar him out of his sleep. Rey laid awake in his arms for hours, just thinking, her mind going around in endless circles.

It was still dark with the barest hint of light when she awoke from her fitful sleep. She came slowly aware of the heavy arm thrown around her and the gentle nuzzling at her nape. She was warm and cozy in the position that they had shifted into during the night, with her body tucked in perfectly along Ren’s larger frame.

She curled into him more, and foreign sort of joy thrumming through her. For all the thinking she had done, this is what settled the matter beyond a doubt. Rey savored the feeling, luxuriated in it for just a second before disentangling regretfully from him. She had an early shift at the hangar, otherwise she would have been tempted to sleep in for the very first time in her life.

For expediency’s sake she decided to use his ‘fresher. Some of the strangeness of being in his rooms without a salacious purpose had worn away during the night. It was still unfamiliar, but it wasn’t decidedly awkward.

She came out of the ‘fresher, dressed and her hair falling wetly down her back, to find him awake and staring at her. Though his eyes were alert, his hair was a right mess, and he had a pillow mark on his right cheek. Rey smiled at him and he narrowed his eyes at her.

“Something has changed,” he said, sitting up on the bed, the sheet sliding down to his lap, leaving his chest bare. In any other occasion, Rey would have been distracted, but the sight of his still bruised body made her lips purse.

She took the leftover bacta and smeared more on his body silently. He stared at her while she worked on his wounds. Rey tried the force, tried to connect with him, willing the bond to expand and grow between them. His eyes widened in surprise. “Something _has_ changed,” he stated, trailing along her energy, warm and dark and thrilling.

“Yeah,” Rey said, finishing up tending him. “I found out you’re a snuggler.”

He drew back, and Rey noticed the tips of his ears peeping from his mop of hair go red.  

“Ysa was right, you are amusing when you’re flustered.”

It was something else to watch him try to regain his bearings. This was new and he was struggling with it. Rey leaned forward, her eyes glinting with amusement. “You held me all night long like your favorite stuffed toy.”

He opened his mouth but was interrupted by the hissing of his door sliding open and his name called out in a worried voice.

“Ben!”  

Rey jumped off the bed as if she had been electrocuted and Ben pulled the sheet higher on his lap as his mother came to halt before them. The general blinked a couple of times, and to Rey’s complete delight, the tips of her ears turned bright red. A giggle broke through Rey’s lips. She stifled it by placing both hands on her mouth but she couldn’t hide the mirth in her eyes.

Mother and son turned to look at her with equally confused stares. “Good morning, general,” she said, finally able to turn down the giggles, though the amusement was still clear in her voice. Any embarrassment she had felt had been evaporated at the sight of Ren’s obvious discomfort. He was flushed with embarrassment, his eyes avoiding his mother’s, looking for all intent and purposes like he wanted the ground to swallow him up.   

“I’ll leave you two alone, then,” she said, walking out. The giggles hit her full on when she reached the hallway. Everytime she tried to control them, the image of Ren’s face when his mother had entered popped into her brain and the giggles started over again.

***

With their bond now somewhat open between them again, Rey felt his presence even before she caught sight of his form approaching her on the fields. She tempered her smile and continued to work on her plants. The first fruits could be seen, red plump berries, some of which were beginning to ripen.

“Hey there, snuggle bug,” she offered as a greeting.

He frowned deeply down at her.

“Your mother allowed you out? I’m shocked, I thought for sure you’d be grounded for at least a week,” she said, biting her lips to keep from smiling at his befuddled expression.

“I don’t see the humor in any of this,” he said, his frown deepening further, his eyes searching hers.

She laughed and she felt him startle, shocked but surprised at enjoying the sound of her laughter. “Something has changed,” he said. “I don’t understand, but you- feel different.”

Rey felt different.  She gazed at the plants under her hands, at what she had help create. That girl from Jakku, that scared child that was wary and distrustful, wasn’t needed anymore. She could let go, just a little, just enough to allow something else than mere survival.

Before standing up, Rey plucked a ripe berry from a plant, taking a moment to rinse it with water while he loomed beside her, expectantly. She raised her hand to bring the fruit up to his lips. He looked at her before obligingly opening his mouth.

“Good?”

He nodded at her while he chewed thoughtfully and then he shook his head. “Stop distracting me, what-”

“Somehow or another you became my bloody boyfriend,” she snapped in harsher voice that she had intended.  

He drew back visibly. She became nervous the longer he remained silent. She braced herself for rejection, but the feeling never manifested from him. “Any objections?”

“None,” he answered, his face set and serious.

She smiled as a feeling unfurled in her chest. Rey held on to it, savoring it. Through the Force she could detect just the faintest trace of the same feeling coming from Ren.

Then he cleared his throat somewhat awkwardly. “I’ve never been a boyfriend before. I might need some… ah… guidance.”

“I’m afraid I won’t be much help. I’ve never had a boyfriend, either.”

His eyebrows scrunched together. “Never?”

“My friend Jessika says I have a fear of intimacy and trust issues,” she explained. “Which prevents me from forming meaningful relationships. I’m working on it.”

“At least we know we’re well suited,” he deadpanned.

Rey snorted and laughed, and he graced her with a small crooked smile that did all sorts of things to her.

“I’ll see you tonight?” He asked.

“Yes.”

She leaned forward for a kiss, but he backed away suddenly.

He ran a nervous hand through his hair. “There was an attempt on my life only yesterday. People at the base despise me. I can’t put you in danger. If it were known that you were important to me-” He shut his mouth with an audible click after he realized what he had said.

The tips of his ears went red again.

“I think the jig was up the moment you landed and… branded me yours,” she told him. “But that was a really good boyfriend type of thing to say, I think. Not to mention it really got me. I mean, don’t get wrong, there’s just something about you, with your stiff upper lip, telling me all sorts of filthy things that really gets me going, but what you just said really packs a punch too.”

He sighed deeply. “So far, I don’t see the benefits of our new arrangement. All its done is allowed you to find amusement at my expense.”

“You can cuddle me the whole night,” she supplied. She grabbed his cloak to pull him down. He obliged her, even though he looked anything but happy about it. She kissed him softly, slowly, and he opened for her beautifully, exploring her just as gently.

“You’re insufferable,” he said when she let him go.

“At least we know we’re well suited.”

***

Gossip did spread like wildfire. In a matter of days everyone on the base knew that the Jedi apprentice had taken in with Kylo Ren. The General seemed pleased and Luke was confused at first, but after a very awkward conversation, only told her to be careful. For some reason, Rey felt he was actually more worried about Ren than herself.  

If she had been given a wide berth before it was nothing compared to the looks people now gave her, always making sure to be well out of her way. Oddly, she found the whole thing satisfying. The role of outcast was a familiar one, and she much prefered the wary looks than the curiously questioning ones. Besides, she had Finn and Jessika, and Poe by extension. They were more than enough.

Ren was protective, and snarled at anyone who looked their way. Which was both annoying and kinda sort of sweet. Not that she would ever tell him that. The man had enough ego for two lifetimes. She would remind him routinely that she had kicked _his_ ass, to which he would come close to almost rolling his eyes.

She went to his rooms after her shifts, almost a daily occurrence instead of nightly one. Soldiers weren’t allowed to fraternize, but she wasn’t technically a soldier, and Ren definitely wasn’t one either, so they got away with being together during their free time.

He was reading when she got to his rooms, no surprise. “Hi, snuggle bug.”

He ripped his eyes away from his holo to shoot her a glare. “I do wish you would stop calling me that.”

“Never,” she told him on her way to the ‘fresher.

When she came out she fell into bed, wet hair and all. It had been an exhausting day of early training with Luke followed by trying to fix hopeless pieces of junk.  He followed her to the bed, holo in hand, and she turned her body toward him, taking his free hand in hers and allowing her body to bend along his.

It was not as hard as she had expected, the intimacy thing. It was nice. The contact she had craved with him finally being satisfied every time she gave in. She liked touching him, feeling his warm skin under her hands. She liked kissing him too, on his jaw, on his cheeks. And for as much as she complained about the risk of being smothered by him in the mornings, she loved waking up in his arms.

Rey nuzzled him between his neck and ear, breathing him in. He shifted his attention from the book momentarily to plant a quick kiss on her lips. He was a voracious reader, history, science, everything he could get his hands on. Would he have been a scholar had circumstances been different?

“What’s your favorite color,” she asked. It was another regular occurrence, the volley of questions she would ask since they had become _more._ Rey wanted to know everything about him. Her line of questioning had so far been superficial, but she was running out of those types of questions, and was quickly approaching far more sensitive topics.

“Hazel, like your eyes,” he said distractedly and promptly turned his attention away from the holo to frown at her as if she had tricked him into saying it.

“I would have figured it’d be black,” she said, pleased, though her face was burning from the unintentional compliment.

He set the holo down. “We’re starting early today.”

He would always indulge her, never volunteering information, but giving her his full attention and answering all her questions. Sometimes he would ask her about her life as well, but treading carefully, as if afraid of overstepping.  

“Well, you’re leaving tomorrow for who knows how long. We might as well use the time we have.”

“Ask.”

“How old were you when you first realized you were force-sensitive?”

“There wasn’t a singular moment. I was always aware of it.”

Both a blessing and a curse she supposed.

She thought about her next question. It was something she had wanted to ask for while, something that had already been answered in a way. She just wanted to be sure. Just to know. “Have you and Ysa ever… you know?”

“No.”

“But she’s… beautiful.”

“Is she?”

Rey frowned.  “Don’t be daft. She’s gorgeous and you know it. Anyone with eyes can see she’s stunning.”

“Should I be concerned that you find her so attractive?”

Rey huffed at him.

He puffed out a laugh that had his eyes crinkling, and force, the man was a menace when he wielded that crooked smile. “I’ve known her since we were children. As trite as it may sound, I don’t really see her that way. Happy?”

She nodded.

“You’re much more possesive than I imagined,” he told her, running his eyes over her face in a warm caress.

“I was a scavenger. I had to protect what was mine zealously.”

He cocked his head at her. “Not sure how I should take that.”

“As flattery, of course.”

“Of course.”

The next question was tricker and much more intense. She wasn’t sure whether to ask it or not. They were new, so very new, and she didn’t want to tarnish what they were building so soon. But girlfriends had a right to know these things, didn’t they?

“Why did you defect from the First Order?”  

She knew how he had been seduced by the dark from Luke and Leia. Maybe one day she’d hear the story from his own mouth. Rey wanted to know him, all of him, his motives for the path he had taken.

He looked away from her, and though she felt a shudder through the Force, he didn’t pull away. Rey tucked herself closer to him. “You don’t have to answer.” She knew damn well that there were things too painful to speak out loud.

He brought her closer, as if gathering his courage,  and finally said, “It happened in small increments. Snoke’s was infallible, always, since I was a child. I believed him completely, but he failed me in one matter.  After that his power over me started shattering.”

“On what matter?”

“My father. Snoke told me killing him would make me stronger. It didn’t. It weakened, crippled me.” He took a deep breath. “I started questioning everything, all that he had taught me. When he tasked me with murdering my mother, I fled.”

At a loss for words she remained silent.

“Go on, keep asking your questions,” he said, his voice thick with emotion.  

“I think it’s your turn to ask a really intrusive and sensitive question,” she told him, leaning forward to kiss the tip of his nose.

He pulled her in for a deep kiss that had her wits scattering. “Will you miss me?”

“Everyday,” she told him, wrapping her arms around him. Jakku Rey would have scoffed, but Jakku Rey had known nothing of friendship or affection, nothing of belonging.

He turned them over in a move that had her squealing, something else that had been foreign before Finn and Jessika, before Ren and his awkward charm.

He skimmed his lips down her neck as his hands crawled beneath the large shirt she wore, one of his, to grasp at her hips. “What will you miss?” He asked. “My mouth? My hands? My cock?”

“Your sunny disposition,” she answered.

He snorted and shook his head, his lips twitching. He spanned her waist with his large callused hands, running them down her sides and up to her breasts. Rey arched her back for him.

“How you look at me,” she told him, serious and intent. “I’ll miss that the most.”  

She would never tire of the way his eyes would bore into hers. Nor the thrill that would shoot up her spine at the intensity of his gaze. Rey grabbed the hem of the shirt, pulled it over her head, leaving her naked to him. She preened a little, watching his pupils expand. He lowered his head to kiss her deeply, his heavy body atop hers, trapping her deliciously beneath him.

His hand went between her legs, dipping inside her wet folds. Rey bucked into him, moaning softly. He circled his thumb over her clit and she gave a loud keel.

“I lied when I told you the novelty would wear off, that I’d would tire of you,” he said, spreading her thighs wider, working another finger inside of her. “I’ll never tire of having you like this, with your legs spread for me, your cunt grasping at my fingers. I’ll never tire of your taste, the way you feel wrapped around me.”

He licked down her throat, to her breasts, to suckle at her nipples until she was straining against him. His hands went to her hips again as he dipped lower, down her stomach. Rey spread her hands across his back, loving the feel of the raised scars bumping against her own scarred hands.

“Mmm,” she moaned when he finally kissed between her thighs. Rey settled back, swinging a leg on his shoulder. Okay, his mouth would be a really close second in the things she would most miss. Oh, and his tongue too, she thought deliriously, grinding against his face.

And his hands and his fingers and his chest and his… _everything_.

Even his damn arrogant expression when he made her come like he just had. Rey, with her eyes still closed and breathing harshly, could still feel the smug satisfaction that radiated from him. She reached for him blindly, smiling when he came to her easily.

She opened her eyes to find him staring down at her. Despite how stoic he usually always was, his eyes spoke volumes. Even with the bond that she had recently allowed between them, she still couldn’t understand everything that he said with just one glance.  

Rey pushed him on his back, pecking his lips. She climbed on top him, watching his smug smirk turn into frustrated grimace. She stroked him until he grunted, and then she sank into him slowly. She moaned deeply when he was fully sheathed inside her.

His hands went behind her to grasp her ass as she rode him. Rey bent at the waist to plant hungry kisses on his mouth. “Ren,” she said, gasping, close, so damn close.  

“Ben,” he rasped, hips thrusting as he helped her shove down on him. “It’s Ben. My name is Ben.”

Something shifted again, something changed, and she gasped his name, his real name. “Ben,” she moaned, bearing down, their eyes locked on each other. She wasn’t scared anymore, and Rey welcomed the rush of emotion, the way it wrapped around her, warming her, thrilling her as they both reached their orgasms.

Her eyes were stinging when she came to. “Ben,” she repeated, kissing his neck.  

His arms banded tightly across her body, holding her to him. She laid her forehead on his. “I’ll miss you, Ben. _You._ ” Rey kissed him on the lips before climbing off him and laying down next to him.

“The novelty of watching you smile at me, of hearing your laugh, or having you tease me… it will never wear off. I’ll never tire of you.”

He wasn’t looking at her, instead he squinted at the ceiling with his ears burning red. A tear made her way despite her best efforts. She wiped it away but smiled at him, at the funny way her insides felt.

“What’s happening to us? We didn’t used to be so… argh,” she said, unable to explain.

“I think this is what normal people call falling in love,” he said turning to her, looking resigned.

“It’s dreadful.”

“It is,” he agreed. “Awful,” he said as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

***

The next morning they walked together to the hangar in silence. It had been hard to get out of bed, harder still to dress and shower, knowing that every minute that passed was one step closer to being separated. They weren’t ready for it, either one, they were still getting to know each other.

“I won’t be as long this time,” he said. “It’s just a simple recon.”

She nodded as she spotted Luke and Leia waiting for Ben. “If you feel like doing something reckless, don’t.” She said. “If you get injured, make sure to get medical care.”

“Rey-”

“I mean it, Ben. I need you back in one piece. Your mother needs you back in one piece.”

“I… will be careful,” he said slowly, as if the words were foreign to him.

She smiled, raising on her toes to kiss him. She had a horrible hollow feeling in her chest. “This is really awful,” she told him, not only referring to his departure.  “How bad do you think it’s going to get?”

“I have absolutely no fucking frame of reference for this,” he told her, his face drawn in an endearing expression of uncertainty.  

“Neither do I,” she said, laughing.

Taking a hold of her hand, he brought it to his lips to kiss the knuckles softly. “At least we know we’re well suited.”

“Gah! You’re both certainly sickening to watch.” Ysa walked toward them, looking bored and sexy at the same time. “Come along, Snuggle-Bug,” she said. “Bye, Frowney, I’ll take good care of your man, don’t you worry.”

Ben gave Rey an exasperated look before bending down for one last kiss.

Rey walked to her fields morosely, but somehow still… happy.  

Jessika was already bent over the berry plants that were loaded with ripe fruits. She looked up and smiled at Rey when she saw her approach. “Ahh, look at you, all lovesick. My baby, all grown up.”

Rey rolled her eyes but she blushed tellingly. “Where’s Finn?”

“He said he wanted to skip the gory details of your goodbye. He’ll meet us at the kitchens.”

“We did traumatize him last time.”

“Yeah. Maybe we got a little too excited talking about oral prowess and girth,” Jessika said, chuckling.

“We’re going to torture him when he gets here?”

“You betcha.”

Rey laughed heartily, imagining Finn’s face.  

The tightness in her chest eased somewhat throughout the day, soothed by Jessika and later Poe and Finn’s presence. The pie they had all baked helped immensely too. Rey went to bed alone that night in Ben’s room, wrapping her arms around his pillow, inhaling his scent. She was full and happy, her soul close to bursting. Maybe it was a little scary, but mostly it felt like everything Jakku Rey had secretly dreamed about having.

***

_A/N:  Thank you for all the wonderful encouragement I've received. Every kudos and comment makes me squeal like a crazy person._

_Big thanks to http://velaris.tumblr.com/ for betaing Part II._


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